Why Write When You Can Type & Hit Delete?

I've been in hot water in the past for things I've written. We can go back to high school (10+ years) when I ruined a friend's day by writing a nasty note all because we'd had a hormone-fueled misunderstanding. Or more recently, by things I've written about other people girls I knew when I had a girlfriend at the time.

The thing of it is, that I like to write. I love to write. I love to read. I love to look up the meanings to words I don't know, even if I'll forget it all the next day. A lot of Most of my writing is morbid and/or darkly romantic. A lot of my romanticism has been called twisted/dirty/violent.

I think there's a lot to be said for romance with a drop of violence.

It may not help that my imagination will take me very far down a path once a seed is planted. I only need that one little idea, or a hint, one sentence spoken by another to create an entire dialogue, a whole scene. If you've said one thing in real life that stuck out to me, then I'm writing about you. My brain is probably already running with it in a direction you never intended. I'm not saying everything is about sex, or blood & guts, or death. But that's the stuff I like. I'm a fan of clenched teeth, fists, bruises and scrapes. I believe there is nothing more sexual than a well-timed slap across the face. I don't mind a little blood under the fingernails, sharp blades, human anatomy, and the good ole adrenaline rush. But those are the parts that get me looked at sideways. Those are the things that people don't think of me as being capable of considering. And the things I write about are not always things I want to happen in real life. Two guys who enjoy a mutual masturbation session because they're too homophobic to go all the way--OK. A single, passionate kiss ignites a lust which goes unrequited--fine. A girl is haunted by something to the point of suicide/relief/release--great.  It's called fiction for a reason.

Writing is the place to get all I've ever wanted and not wanted, wish I'd said and wish I could take back, out. It's the only way to drink, steal, lie, cheat, get high, fight, and fuck and still come out on top. Or burn out. It's where you live to your every potential, fly under the radar, or take a life--even if it's your own--without judgement. You can be the sarcastic asshole you've always wanted to be. Have a classic, one-liner for everyone. Get rid of the people and things you despise. Slough off the materialistic world or surround yourself with opulence. Marry the person you never had a chance with. Save someone no one else can. Be the best at anything. Or be the lowest, the vilest, and love it.

Write something so fucked up, so surprisingly tangled and dark that others scratch their heads trying to figure out where you came up with it.

I've taken to writing something, when the inspiration strikes, on a computer. I've abandoned my notepads and journals for the sake of the Delete key. The Delete key saves me from more trouble. Is it a waste? Maybe. I'm sure there are some writers out there who'd tell me I was nuts not to save all my work. Could these vignettes be transformed into a larger work? Become part of a longer story or novella or poem? Be one amongst many in a published book of shorts? Perhaps.

But if your audience can't separate author from character, is it worth offending or upsetting them because your character (not you!)  commits a crime, cheats, or commits murder/suicide? Probably. I put a lot of myself into my writing. A lot of my characters are a lot like me, or have a trait or two that smacks of "me." But that doesn't make them me.

Or, maybe it does. Me in an alternate world, in another life. The main character would react this way because that's how I would and it's my writing, my character.

I don't like happy endings. They're fine sometimes, but I don't need my endings tied up neatly. Most of life isn't that way. Most of what I write isn't that way either. There's always a loose end or two. People don't always say what they really want to aloud. They don't make rational decision or good choices. They get caught up in emotions. They let adrenaline, euphoria, lust, and rage make them do things they shouldn't. People steal, lie, curse, take bad advice, and fuck around when they know they oughtn't do it.

But it's life. It's real, it's tangible. It's outrageous, colorful, and richly detailed if you can pay enough attention to it. And that what's I aspire to write, even if it all sees the Delete key in the end.

By the by, I contemplated deleting this.